People always say that their child(ren) is a blessing. People always say that becoming a parent is the best thing that has ever happened to them; the best decision they have ever made. We hear so many people proclaim that parenting is worthwhile and, if they had the chance, they would never go back.

However, parenting is also challenging as it can sometimes be emotionally, physically, and energetically taxing.

And how can it not be?

People become parents for many different reasons. Some people become a parent unintentionally. Some decide to have a child(ren) in attempt to “save” an unhealthy relationship. Some people become a parent because it is something they have always dreamed of or something that they feel they were meant to be. Others decide to have a child because they feel financially ready and, to them, the concept of having children is the next logical step in life. Some people have a child(ren) because they are lonely or they want the security in knowing that they will have someone to take care of them when they are older. And some people have children simply because they are following their environmental patterns; everyone in their family had children and it’s just something you do at a certain point.

Regardless of the reason, one thing is for certain. Parenting is a massive responsibility that goes beyond the individual and familial level.

We always hear that children are the future. We say this because we know that the children of today will one day grow into adults, and the current adults of today will eventually die. Therefore, when we look at children we are – in essence – looking at our future adults that will determine the conditions of that future.

But here’s the thing, the adults of today struggle with achieving an internal state of wholeness that requires self-love. We go about our day thinking about events that have occurred in the past, reaffirming our past into our present through our daily habits, mentally scheduling ourselves a predicted future (a future that we typically feel mundane about), and setting personal goals aside (goals that would require a break from this routine) for tomorrow because we have no time for something new today.

If something new – a break from our familiar – was presented to us without warning, we typically view it as an inconvenience. The only exception to this is if the “new” was a form of instant gratification (i.e. winning money or receiving other “wants” out of the blue).

We do not express ourselves authentically to others and, instead, we express ourselves in a way that best fits our current environment. We do this for reasons of…

…fitting in

…not standing out

…being socially accepted

…not being viewed by others as weird

…avoiding awkwardness

…not being viewed as mean, controversial, or inappropriate to others.

As a result, we suppress parts of ourselves to avoid social discomfort. This suppression creates an internal discomfort. This internal discomfort creates emotional discomfort.

AND WE DO THIS ALL FOR WHO? Certainly not ourselves nor our children.

Imagine a parent in a room filled with other parents. All of the parents are engaging in conversation that revolves around their children or family life in general. This parent stands there as he/she listens to all of the other parents discuss their child’s life as it pertains to their daytime and nighttime routine, activities schedule, educational or extracurricular achievements, and milestones.

Additionally, if any of these parents discuss a “negative” event – such as a tantrum or an act of rebellion, for example – they do so in a such a way that feels superficial. Although they are discussing what was probably a stressful moment in their life at that time, they are now presenting it to the other parents with a positive or humorous demeanor; as if to give the impression to their audience that they simply allowed it to roll off their backs.

In the meantime, however, this one particular parent feels emotionally, physically, and energetically drained. He/she feels exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed. This parent loves their child(ren) to the same degree as the other parents love their own children.

This parent thinks too much at night. He/she wonders if he/she is doing good enough. At night, he/she mentally reviews his/her perceived mistakes from that day. They did not give it much thought during the day because they were, at the time, emotionally charged. But now, as they lay in bed, they have a different understanding of their previous choices. As they lay there, they make a promise to themselves that they will handle things differently tomorrow.

Furthermore, this parent is sick and tired of always having to engage in conversation that only pertains to children and family life. This parent looks at the other parents in this room and wonders if this is all that there is to them. And if it is, what does that mean for him/her? Is there something wrong with him/her?

Or is it possible that everyone is just being fake? And deep down, whether they are comfortable admitting it or not, they too can relate to this human experience.

Now imagine this parent joining the conversation. This parent does not want to play the fake game anymore; it adds to the stress. This parent wants to express themselves authentically to his/her peers with a deep inner knowing that the other parents are sure to relate.

But as he/she begins to contribute with light-hearted yet genuine and relatable comments about moments of pure exhaustion, the desire for more alone time, and the effort to be more proactive as opposed to automatic (reactive) responses, the energy in the room quickly shifts and things immediately begin to feel awkward. The others in the room begin to look at him/her in a way that quickly tells him/her that the choice to be authentic can sometimes be a lonely road.

But there’s a choice to be made: live life conforming to the majority for sake of avoiding such awkward social experiences (even if it means denying yourself in front of others) OR honor your authentic self at all times with the comfort in knowing that this is the path to personal evolution. Through increased levels of self-love and self-acceptance. Through embracing your authentic self despite any fear of social resistance.

And that’s not to say – if you choose to be unapologetically authentic – that you will ONLY experience social awkwardness and rejection. Because when you continue to be authentic, when you continue to love yourself and accept yourself as you continuously strive for personal evolution, magic begins to happen.

Now let’s place the focus back on our children, our future. Majority of us wish for a better future, for ourselves and beyond. We certainly do not want things to stay the same. If we did, we would feel satisfied with the current state of crime, poverty, pollution, and social equality. If we did, we would feel satisfied with bullying, the detrimental and lasting effects it has on the human psyche and – consequently – human behavior.

We already know that a child’s behavior is heavily influenced by the behaviors of the adults who they look up to. Children learn how to behave by watching us. However, a lot of us feel and act in such a way that we would not wish for our own child(ren).

So we want change, but where do we expect the change to initiate?

And that’s not to say that there is something inherently wrong with the people who present a façade to others that is not equivalent to how they think, feel, and act when they are in the privacy of their own homes, and minds. They are not bad people. They experience fear and shame. And although they create and present this façade to the public simply to protect themselves from vulnerability, this way of life unfortunately creates a ripple effect that influences the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others; adults and children alike.

People who avoid being authentic in front of others tend to believe that an individual who expresses themselves authentically is the one responsible for creating social awkwardness because their actions contrast with the social norm. But the awkwardness itself does not come from the person who is embracing their authentic self. The awkwardness derives from the trigger that the person acting out inauthentically experiences. The authenticity triggers the part of them that they are still internally battling with. The part of them that they suppress due to their own fear and shame. The part of them that they do not accept because they are embarrassed or afraid of how others will react.

However, some of the most influential people of our time were considered to be “odd” or “different” prior to their discoveries that ultimately led to their acknowledgement and success. They created profound change that everyone now appreciates.

Some people make fun of others for being different when they should really be proud of that person for being fearless in accepting themselves; a feat that many of us have yet to accomplish. Instead, they should view them as a source of inspiration and strength.

They make fun of them because they are not like the majority, but maybe that is a good thing.

So are we raising our children to fit the mold of the majority, or are we raising our children to embrace their unique qualities that can separate them from others?

There is just so much to say. I will continue later. Thank you for reading.